To demonstrate that affixing labels to people in an attempt at easy categorization and compartmentalization is a futile endeavor, I present this list of every name, adjective, or noun that to the best of my recollection anyone has ever called me, including those I have called myself. Worthy of note should be how many of the following labels have a corresponding contradictory label. I am easily ten times more than the sum of all labels ever used to describe me. So here I list everything from my earliest memories until now. Everyone gets called, or has been called, many of these labels. From epithets every little brother in America gets called by their big brother to the quasi-innocent banter of schoolyard frenemies to complements and criticism by friends and acquaintances of today. I’m not going to tell you which ones are true and which aren’t as much of that changes over time and is subject to debate anyway. Some are a badge of honor, some make me laugh out loud, some make me nostalgic, while others are/were very hurtful, and still others make me cringe.
On advice of counsel, I am not to expound on these labels any further, in public or in private.